you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
