I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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