The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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