I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
