ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
