I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
