he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
