We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
