Plan B is the new Plan A
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
