My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
