You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
