i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
