Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
