You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
