I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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