I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
