I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
