I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
