3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
