dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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