at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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