the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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