BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
