I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
