I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize