Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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