she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
