Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
