wanna go halves on a baby?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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