im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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