Don't you send me to vm
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
