you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
