Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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