entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
