He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
