You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I am one with the molecules
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
