he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
