I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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