The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
