you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
