my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
