Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
That's intense
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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