I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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