wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
