u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
