No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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