alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
