Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
