fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
