Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
