someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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