Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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