Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
