no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
