I'm so fucking centered right now
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
