he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
