Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
