Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it glows. i had to have it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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