The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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