K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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