so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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