I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
