the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
