You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
