Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
