she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
