then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
