I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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