I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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