Swine flu is the new snow day.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
